build: use `npm ci`

Checklist

• make -j4 test (UNIX), or vcbuild test (Windows) passes
• commit message follows commit guidelines

• Follow up to https://github.com/nodejs/node/pull/21538
• In general npm ci is faster and more intune with "black box use" of the packaged tools.
• Until https://github.com/nodejs/node/pull/21490 we floated patches on tools/doc/node_modules so we could use the npm ci which completely replaces node_modules
• H/T: @MylesBorins @trott @rubys

Ref: https://github.com/nodejs/node/pull/21802 Ref: https://github.com/nodejs/node/pull/21490